Friday, May 20, 2011

An open letter to Harold Camping

1:28, May 20th.
Tomorrow at 6PM EST the world will come to an end. So long everyone, we all had a good go at it.

9:23, May 22nd.
I just don't understand this. How could this have happened? I mean it's possible to be wrong once, but Camping you promised me this was the this-time-for-sure-I'm-never-wrong-twice-this-time-I-really-mean-it time.  I mean, this time you really meant it.  This prediction was just so plausible and... mathematically certain. Jesus was crucified on Friday, April 1, 33 AD- 722,500 days ago according to the math (which does not lie). Now (5x17x10)^2 = 722,500, and the significance of that is that five, represents atonement, ten completeness, and 17 heaven. Therefore the apocalypse is Saturday, May 21. This is beyond dispute from a sane person.
The critics say I shouldn't have believed you this time because you got it wrong last time, but I answer them that your explanation for getting it wrong makes Biblical sense. It was the end of the church age. Christ had divorced His bride, split His body, abandoned His temple, let His field go fallow, and kicked over the pillar He set up.  You know, things change.  The whole idea of the elect, or the called out ones was made meaningless in 1994. Wait, no, I suppose it's still valid, it's meaning was just transferred to the hundreds of family radio listeners like myself.
And no, I don't think it sounds like a desperate effort to save face.  When the mainstream vulgar church going Christians pointed out that this humbling was from God, that you should not stiffen your neck or harden your heart but repent, I remembered your warning that those were the mainstream Christians. They want us to believe things like "God doesn't change" and "God loves the Church."  If any of you decide to read this I have news for you fools: one of us a sucker for believing nonsense, and I'm not. 

So given all that, I just don't see how this could have happened.  I believed in it.  I sold my house, I quit my job. I'm vested, now I'm looking for answers Harold.  It doesn't matter what you say, just please say something, anything so I can believe you. I want to believe so badly in you. I love you. Give me hope. Vanish. Have your staff show pictures of your clothes lying out and utterly disappear.  Then when people tell me you have just fled to Mexico with your $75M I can tell them that no, it was the end, and we simply didn't not have the faith to go with you.  Or come back on the radio and tell me you forgot to carry the one, and it will really be five years from now. I'm willing to believe that also.
Just don't tell me that Christ wants me to trust in Him and His perfect substitutionary atonement for my sins on the cross.  Not that you would, which is why I follow you. I'm just saying, you know, just reminding you that some things are just too stupid and offensive to believe in.

10:15, May 24th.
Bless you Brother Camping. Thank you. Oh bless you. Bless you.  I'm so glad for this. I was lost and now I'm found. Yes, it wasn't a physical end of the world, it was a spiritual end to the world! That makes total sense because last time it was a spiritual end too, the world didn't end physically, it was spiritually transformed when the church age ended.  So, this time, same deal. Oh I was stupid not to see this myself.
I'm sorry I doubted you, I'm so sorry, you were right about this too, you were right.  God had come for judgement and ended it all spiritually. The physical end is October 21st. I believed in you deep down all along and I knew you would come through for me.
If I hadn't sold all my possessions to you in anticipation of the May 21st date I would do so now out of relief for both the spiritual comfort and the hope you have brought me knowing I only need to hold on for a short while longer.


Anonymous said...

crime spree care to join :D

THEOparadox said...

Uh oh, I'm still here.

Ryan said...

Lol, was that his reasoning? Why did (5x10x17) have to be squared? Jesus should have returned 850 days after his death, right?

Brian said...

You know, a pastor at our church revealed a great observation. Since only God himself knows when the world will end, and this guy is claiming to know exactly when the world will end, he is then claiming to be God!